Monday, March 26, 2012
Captain Frances, the Notorious, the Ferocious…
A true story.
Oh! By the way when I was in high school, my Mom, being 'on to me' would be cooking dinner in the kitchen and have a nasty, suspicious, totally unwarranted thought. Haaa! The nerve of her! I mean... really!
She would call out to me, "Bob! Are you doing your homework?"
Me, fingers' crossed, from my bedroom, "Yeeessss Mom!"
Mom, "You’re not writing any stories?"
Me, fingers still crossed because I was 'on to her' too, "NOOOOO!"
Mom, being totally on to me, "Are your fingers crossed!"
Me, quick to recover - uncrossing my fingers, "NOOOOO!"
But anyway, as I was saying, before I interrupted myself, back in the ol' Pirate days of sailing, there was this (this is true, remember?) notorious, ferocious, dreadful, awful, ferocious (Did I say that already?) scoundrel named Captain Frances of the 'Lost Islands'. That’s what she said, but she was really from Holland. Wooden cloppity clop clogs an all. She liked her notoriety and constantly desired to embellish it.
She was sooo cruel and sooo mean and every nasty thing. She was an excellent fighter of the first rank and kept her crew in tow. They dreaded her dearly for their own lives and the only reason for which they ventured to be aboard her ship, the Vendetta Magnificent, was because she was the most notorious, ferocious, dreadful, awful Pirate EVER. But, she was a skilled Captain of all the seas, none the less. And her bounty was always great and she was fair in the share.
When Captain Frances, the Pirate born to be, ran away from her Dutch homeland, she left the poor Dutch boy with his finger stuck in the dike. See! She was even awful then!!!! But, back to the story. Throw your cape over your shoulder and tilt your hat back. Okay? One more time! Practice makes perfect!
One day she fought a glorious fight against an eighteen wheelhouse, canon-decked galleon and out of nowhere, an ambush. Two other galleons that suspected her evil ways came to assist in the defense and the newly established odds of victory swung drastically against her and she appeared doomed.
But, before this day, along the Ivory Coast, the Vendetta Magnificent ported to take on goods and stores. An AWOL Frenchman of some skill applied to her ships service as a cook. With him was a parrot whose first name was Catchacatchanocatchme. His last name was Oreyewillbiteyouinthebuttwhenyouarenotloooking.
Catchacatchanocatchme only liked to be sunning himself above board on the main deck, and as the notorious ferocious dreadful awful Captain Frances took a liking for Catchacatchnocatchme, she allowed the Parrott to reside on a perch at the helm, but under one condition. He would be called ‘Pete’. The parrot smiled at the Captain.
Now, back to our story.
But wait! First another important part. See! I almost forgot and without this important part… well, you’ll see!
The Notorious, Ferocious, Dreadful, Awful Captain Frances, though a very skilled fighter was also from a very young age very much attracted to magic. Haaaa! Yes! She learned the art of Magic from the most skilled magicians the world over.
Now Pete was quite a clever bird, and as he was in such a close proximity to the Notorious, Ferocious, Dreadful, Awful Captain Frances, he learned all of these artful designs of deception.
The Captain would entertain the crew on occasion of good spirits and Pete would be there at her side, “Ahhhh, Ahhhh, it’s up her sleeve. It’s up her sleeve!” and the Notorious, Ferocious, Dreadful, Awful Captain Frances, would laugh and pull the object from her sleeve! She would perform another trick, and Pete would call out, “Ahhh Ahhh! It’s under her hat. It’s under her hat!” Of course the crew would double over in laughter! Everyone remained in high spirits! Pete rocking back and forth doing the two step in his glory.
Nooooow, finally back to that dreadful day.
Captain Frances's ship, the Vendetta Magnificent, was blown to smithereens! The Captain hid in the debris of a fallen mast and remained still until the enemy left. When the coast was clear, she pulled herself up on the mast. It is there where Pete found her and he perched himself on the opposite end of the mast.
Captain Frances called out, “Hey Pete! How are you?”
Pete just starred at her and frowned. He would not take his eyes off of Captain Frances. She would call out to him, "Hey Pete! Are you okay." But he remained fixed upon her with a stern look. A week went by. Two weeks! Finally Pete perked up one day saying: “Okay! I give up! What did you do with the Ship.
Captain Frances and Pete woke and found on the not far distance a jet of land of which the Captain knew. Having rigged from torn and frayed canvas a make shift sail they reached land fall by mid day.
Pete, before their arrival, took flight and brought back bananas.
Water was the thing of which she needed most and had it not been for the rains of an ocean squall to quenched her thirst and give her some substance she would have surly perished.
Once reaching land the Captain with Pete made their way along the coast to a town in the bay. She took from her satchel, tucked into her belt, some bouillon to barter. With careful scrutiny she surveyed all and only then went into a tavern and Inn with assurance of not being known.
Pete on her shoulder kept vigil watch as well. With any suspicious character, setting his claw to the Captain’s shoulder. The two had become a pair.
With room and board the Captain restored her health and made now plans to regain her rightful reign. With this in mind, she purchases a Ketch and departed to Nicor and the stored bounty of which she had made provisions for, in just such an event as this.
Back now to the bay, she made arrangements to purchase a galleon of like design which had been her demise with a few additional modifications. In stead of canon balls she would use compact metal fragments. It would remove the varmints with little damage to the ship. Thus was born shrap metal. She ordered a union jack to be made. All part of the plan. Uniforms to be worn by her crew. All part of the plan.
She assembled a crew. It would make due. She had to get to the Ivory Coast. And that she knew.
Once on the Ivory Coast she recruited a regiment of highly skilled Spaniards which were already baited for all. A dislike for the English, True spirited and with a romance for the seas, here was her needs with a pledge of loyalty on their knees.
The day arrived. The Sea blew fresh. All stores and munitions aboard. She walked back and forth before this pledged loyalty. Yes! Like a royalty. Pete on her shoulder she showed only her calm. And in a voice just audiable “Set sail’, she said, and that was all.
The magic of those days before, were now put to rest, except for the one big show of which the English would learn the test! Captain Frances the Notorious, Ferocious, Dreadful, Awful was now know as only Captain Frances. Except to her foes. Her foes where every self serving, self righteous, self indulging, repressive slim of all, well, let’s be nice - cockiepop.
Three English galleons of brilliant red white and blue, where now to be hers. The very ones who had ganged up on her. It was her rightful due.
And upon the set sail of a southeasterly wind, from the top mast look-out one day her man did shout: “Thar is that English Devil my Captain”, pointing, as all on deck looked up and then out. There on the horizon was the flag ship that had destroyed her unfairly – three ships to one.
“Set the English flag, my lads.” Cried loudly the Captain. “Change into your English garb. Look alive! Be alive! For that there carrion is our bounty one third.”
“Aye Aye”, returned the crew in unison. “Aye, Aye Captain Frances, we know exactly what to do.”
The command of Captain Frances drew neigh and along the breadth of … of the ‘Golden Hind’. The Spaniards were one and all suddenly aghast and almost frothing at the mouth. Frances asked, her first in command, “What? What stirs the men such as this?”
“Aye Captain Frances, Aye.” Not taking his eyes, now riveted and narrowed, off of the Golden Hind. “That there be the ‘Golden Hind’. She is the wrath of all Spaniards. That lady of the Seas is Diablo himself to every Spaniard alive and those perished by her wrath and now gone. Wo betide this day Captain Frances. There shall not be one left of her crew at the end of this day.”
“Aye”, returned the Captain. “Aye, she is my sworn curse as well.”
And as Frances drew along side, the Golden Hind, the Pommies all smiles being so assuredly and smug, now all hands on deck to greet their fellow ‘English’ men. All their guns still encased and covered in canvas, there suddenly came a volley of one sound only.
Pete found himself in what seemed heaven, for the height at which be found himself to be, was now above what was then, those ships. A quick inventory and an account of all feathers, to make sure he was not the one made magic, returned to the Captains shoulder.
"Hey Pete! Hey! How are you?"
"Ahhh! Ahhh! Up yours! Up yours!", returned Pete. "How about a little warning."
The two ships now sailed in unison, together they’d be searching for two more.
Chapter 4 The Finale’
The crew of the ‘Mary Rose’ of which Captain Frances had provided the paint for, this designation- Mary Rose - now with the bounty – the infamous ‘Golden Hind’, was divided into two.
The two ‘English’ galleons set the compass for the Ivory Coast, once again, to now increase their size for both ships plus that again. For they now were after the ‘Ark Royal’ and the ‘Revenge’. The two remaining English devils which having unfairly ganged up on ‘The Lady’, Captain Frances, the Notorious, Ferocious, Dreadful, Awful.
An ease at once became the calm for the seas journey on both the Mary Rose and the Golden Hind. The Spaniards, one and all were finally at peace.
All the way to the Ivory Coast the resting Spaniards, not ‘on-watch’, who should have slept, played their guitars late into the night. The ballads of past romance serenaded all the men and one lady, into the wee night hours. Floating across the ocean waves and still to this day a Senorita begets a romance.
Back now at the Ivory Coast the ships split. One to remain at Sea on guard, the other to Port to recruit. The Mary Rose went into dock. The tale of what was done brought more than double for what she needed to now avenge the ‘Ark Royal’ and ‘Revenge’, the two accomplices to the ‘Golden Hind’.
The brief rest in port was now in an atmosphere of importance. One could feel it and see it in all. This tyranny of wanton English Greed was now with an equal foe with a deed.
And thus these two galleons, the Mary Rose and the Golden Hind with twice the men needed for each, embarked upon the seas again.
Captain Frances had purchased an entire wardrobe of English garb for each and every man aboard. They would wait to intersect the route the English would take. There they deployed four Ketches packed to the gunwales each, of the Spaniards in disguise as English men and as men abandoned to sea, but with a peculiar impediment. All were so ‘famished’ none could speak. All were with concealed arms sewn into their cloths.
The Mary Rose and Golden Hind waited over the horizon. A week later the two watches atop the Mary Rose and Golden Hind did bring all to life aboard like an echo one after the other, “Captain Frances! Captain Frances! Your Two, Your Two, new possessions, new possessions, are coming, are coming, to you, to you.
A Cheer rang out as never before upon the seas. The four ships, The Mary Rose, The Golden Hind, The Ark Royal and The Revenge where now under the command of Captain Frances. The Notorious, Ferocious, Dreadful, Awful lady of the Sea.
Pete doing the two step had this to say: “Ahhhh! Ahhhh! Awful Awful, nice, nice, she, she, be, be.”
What we can learn of these bygone days is little beyond the memoirs handed down now several generations through one Dutch Family. One Dutch family who’s Great, Great, Great, Great, Great-granddaughter by whose name is an air loom in the family, Frances Alleblas. She resides now in Singapor, an artist married to a philosopher.
By the way, does this last name of hers have any meaning that might ring a tone of semblance? Alleblas? ‘Boom!’
The ways of deception, being the core to every great magician is not all contained in this occupation. It is not Frances of who you should concern yourself with, but a sibling.
As Pete would say: “Ahhh! Ahhh! You got that right!” Will she reveal herself?
The English have of course hidden all traces of this fiasco. Even the Mary Rose they claimed, upon questions, was dashed ashore on New Haven, they claimed.
We find ourselves at times in history confronted with devils to deal with. Who might be our English tyrant of today? And who will arise to vanquish this new Diablo in disguise?
Where art thou Captain Frances?
“Ahhh! Ahhh! Right here! Right here!”
Thursday, March 22, 2012
“No. Don’t go there”, Mommy said. “They have as much respect for life as sharks. They do not know how to kill with respect. They do not seem to know how to transfer.”
“Mommy, but they seem advanced for the dry.”
“Yes. It is a mystery. You will find that there are a few that know, but they are in the less and are few. Most live as Dis. And you have to be careful of the Dis. They appear the same but each one is as different as the fish and yet they only vary in shade and size. Yes, it is a mystery.”
“Is there nothing to be done or said or shown to un-Dis?”
“We have tried in every way. It is for them to un-Dis.”
“How sad. How sad for the Dis.”
Thursday, March 15, 2012
I rescued a bee from a swimming pool, finding it upside down, floating on the water. I cupped my hands and gentle set him on the apron around the edge of the pool. He dried himself off while I watched, my chin on the edge just a few centimeters away. He recovered but before he left, Mr. Bee said to me in a tiny voice, 'Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Because of your kindness you can rest assured that a honeybee will never sting you again.
Why this conversation was so meaningful to me, which it was, was because when I was little, three, four or maybe five, I was in the back yard our Albuquerque New Mexico home. This was a rather embarrassing moment for me so.... anyways my mother had a rose garden lining the path to our barbeque area - oh this is so funny, not what I am going to share with you about the honeybee, though you may very well find it humorous, as a child in that same back yard -but don't let me forget the honeybee true story, (okay?) there was this other matter.
My older sister ( I had two, Pat and BJ) BJ had this pet boxer named Pug. That dog!!!! BJ could be in the front yard and call him and Pug being in the back yard and nothing, literally nothing would stand between him to respond to her call and be with her. NOTHING. We had a two meter high brick wall around the entire back yard. No problemo!!! My dad built an additional one meter wire fence on top of that. NO PROBLEMO!!! Another time Jeannie stubbed her toe inside the house and was in agony and Pug was next to her instantly. The huge glass window was expensive to replace, my parents told her. And oh oh, while the entire family except for me was picking up the glass, Pug was wolfing down our barbeque steaks outside. PUG!!! I watched him not enjoy - how could he enjoy? They were on the plate and then vanished!
...see I am better than your average male, I remembered the honeybee. So I was walking along the path next to the roses and suddenly had the urge to pee! No one was around. I whipped out my handy dandy pee pee and peed to my hearts content.
Men wont tell you this but when a man pees he always, always targets something. Anything! A bubble floating in the bowl is the usual target or to see if you can get all the bubbles while making new ones - this is very tricky! If he is outside it is something or he can always try to spell something in the dirt or snow if it is winter, but any ways, did I say that already? -there I was all alone, so I thought! On a rose landed a bee. Big mistake!!! An important mistake that has been imprinted upon my male brain vividly to this day - yes you didn't even have to guess, I went screaming into the house yelling Mommy, Mommy with my swelling pee pee! So, you now know why this gift from this bee was such a peace offering of the greatest importance to me.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
This has been an experiment. I’m the guinea pig. Haaa haaa haaa! Laugh it up. A few years ago I was living in the Bay area (SF) and was wondering about life. My life. Why was I here (Bay area) when I wanted to be here (Ewa Beach – though I hadn’t a clue then). I pulled on my heart to lead the way though my mind was saying, -“Hello! Ummm Bob! You have a good paying job a nice little niche of which to live (Castro Valley) why rock the boat?” And I told myself, “Self, I am not happy.” Someone on FB who has sense dropped me as a friend – I totally can understand –I’m a scoundrel!, posted a comment. It was actually a chart. I’ll post it again, just for you.
You see? It asks a very simple question. “Are you Happy? Yes? Don’t change anything. No? Change something.”
You see it was so simple that my mind was doing back flips trying to make it much more complicated and then, exhausted for the effort resorted to, “It’s a trick! Don’t fall for simple tricks!”
But my heart was just smiling!
I let my heart lead the way.
I could make this story very simple for those who wish and say, in coconut shell, here is what happened.
See? You missed it! ‘here’ is what happened. Okay, I’ll spell it out, EWA BEACH ‘almost’ HAPPY BOB equals ‘here’.
Good by to you who wish to stop ‘here’. Bye!!!
Now for the rest of you who may be more intrigued with this little experiment of which, yes yes!!!! Haaa haaa haaa, I am the guinea pig, I will continue.
Suddenly I was given a book out of the blue by a friend called ‘Transurfing Reality’ by Vadim Zeland. It talks about becoming a collective center for what makes you happy. Follow the path of your heart, it says. Don’t pass up on anything that is offered even if it seems totally obscure because you never know what mysteries lies within each choice for you to find happiness.
Suddenly I got fired! I wasn’t expecting that!
Suddenly I got hired on Oahu making more money that I was in the Bay area. I wasn’t expecting that!
Suddenly I found this beach front house in Ewa Beach for a ridiculous price for which I now reside. Nope! Not that either.
Suddenly I meet people from Holland, Norway, Spain, Canada, Argentina, and Russia that are all HAPPY. I smiled back.
And now the crowning icing on the cake is a new acquaintance of which is such a confirmation that I almost can’t believe it. It is still ‘in the oven’ so to speak.
But I must write this down for I know not what next is in store and where all of this is going. My heart is still leading.